A Leaf


~Psalm 34:17-18~

“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles. The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

The thing that bows my mind every time I think about and I hope it never changes is that God see’s, hears and knows EVERYTHING! The love He has for His children is beyond comprehension. He in near to me when I am broken, when I am crying because my heart has been shattered into a million different pieces and it seems like I will never recover, but He is  there. He is my refuge, the One I should take rest in. Vs 8, “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man that takes refuge in Him.” He hears my every cry, He feels my pain, He feels my every feeling, He see’s my every move, He hears my every word, He knows my every thought and He still loves me. He knows who I really am, He knows the sinners and terrible person that Autumn has been. I need Him because without Him I would be so lost, I would be nothing but a thing walking this earth with no purpose. Like a mother with her child He loves me no matter what, no matter how many time I screw up, He always welcomes me back with open arms. For years I took that for granted and now I see what it truly means to be His child. He saved me from myself. Only by Him am I able to live day to day without drowning myself in guilt. I have hurt people, I have sinned way to many times to count, I have done things that make me sick inside, but He has erased all of that. He saved me from me. When I was broken hearted and crushed in spirit, He felt my pain. When I was on my knees in my room balling my eyes out crying out for help, He heard me, He delivered me from my troubles, the troubles that Satan would use to tell me I was worthless and no good to anyone. The troubles that pushed me to do things that I never thought I would and think things that I never would dream of thinking. He saved me! His love is a symphony all around me, His love is a melody running through me, all I have to do is run to Him and His arms are wide open. I see His love when I walk and look at a leaf and see that it is shaped like a heart and it reminds me that He has little things on this earth like a leaf, the rain at night, and the smile on a child’s face to remind me how much He loves me. I don’t deserve this life I am living, but because He is there for me in my troubles, in my pain and suffering and to hold me when all I want to do is jump, I know that He has a purpose and a plan.

Lord, Thank you for loving me for me, for not giving up on me even when it seems I have given up on you! You are near to me in my pain and suffering. You are my shoulder to cry on, my best friend and the person I put my trust in. Thank you Lord for loving me more than I will ever deserve.

Application: I am going to find a leaf and put it in the back of my Bible to remind me that He is there when I need to cry, He is there when I am broken hearted and crushed is spirit. HE IS MY REFUGE and He loves me more than I could ever imagine.


Only By God


~Psalm 51:8~

“Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.”

David has reached that point of completely surrendering to Christ. Oh that surrendering point is a bitter/sweet place to be. That point that you get to when all you can do is cry out to the Lord saying, “Lord please forgive me of my sins the things that I have done to give You a bad name, oh the many people I have hurt in the process. Lord I surrender.” The point of coming to complete surrender, throwing your hand in the air and saying I am done Lord take it, it is Yours now. The point that I should reach every day, not sinning to get there but completely giving it over to the Lord because He can do a better job than I could ever do. The decision to not have control anymore over my life and to decide to let him run my life was the best decision I could have ever made. There was a huge weight completely lifted off my shoulders and I felt free. Free as in no more chains strapping me to a log while I float down a river towards a waterfall getting ready to give up completely. I still remember that exact moment that I surrendered to the Lord and He saved me. I got this picture in my head of someone jumping into a dark whole and they just continue to jump and jump into the whole never dying, but each time they jump they comeback as a different person. I found it weird that I got this picture in my head but I realized that this was the Lord showing me that I would have to continue to get ride of my old self and put on Christ. VS.10 “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” He is the only one that is able to give me a new life, to be able to forget all the wrongs I have done and still love me through everything. He is the only one that could give me joy in the time of trials. And let me have gladness in times of sadness. I continue daily to find the joy of Christ in the people I’m with and the many smiles I see from children only the daily, only by God am I able to be blessed everyday with joyful smiles and to have people who genuinely care about me.

Application: For a few weeks now I have been missing my family and these last few days I have been getting really depressed about not seeing them and just being able to hug them, so I have decided that every time I start thinking about my family and how much I miss them I will make myself think of one thing that I am grateful to be here in Kenya for and thank Him for it.