With The Morning

Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints, and give thanks to His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:4&5
These verses made me weep. Made me break down in tears and cry out to the Lord out of sadness and out of joy. My life from the outside looks so great. I am serving the Lord in beautiful Montana, I am doing a job that at first sight I new I wanted to be a part of and I am in love with a man that is such a gentle-man and is in love with the Lord and loves me. What is not good about this life….well, I am beyond broken inside. I am living in doubt, I am living in fear, I am realizing how far away from the Lord I have fallen over the past few months, how I have begun to put my love for Theo(the gentle-man) before the Lord and how I have pushed aside the need for the Lord. If I’m being completely honest I have known these things for awhile but I have chosen to ignore them because I don’t want to realize the woman I have become. As I was reading these verses and dealing with the lies that are coming from the enemy all I could do was cry and say “sorry”, “sorry Lord for the woman I have become but fully knowing the woman you have called me to be.”, “I’m sorry Lord for putting myself before you and not allowing myself to be humbled by you.” But as I continued reading I felt the Lord and I had this image in my head of Jesus just hugging me and holding me as His daughter in His arms and me weeping on His chest as He just continues to hold me. And then I read these precious words out loud “weeping may tarry for a night but joy comes with the morning” and all I could do was then feel set free. Set free from myself, set free from the fear that I hold over my head and set free from lies that have been engraved in my brain that I felt I would never be able to let go. But joy comes WITH THE MORNING! The joy that I am longing for, that I am hungry for is coming. I have this little note written in my Bible next to these verses and it says “in the deepest, darkest place God is still there. He knows every little thing I am going through.”

Lord, thank you! Thank you for the brokenness that I have been longing for and thank you for the joy that has come and is continuing to come. Thank you Lord!


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